I am feeling pressure to be someonerather than just be.
Not by someone in particular (although I have before), but by the cultural air that I breathe.
I received my first no for a book proposal, out of what I am sure will be many nos, before I find my yes.
(I've heard that finding the right literary agent can be like "kissing": sometimes there are frogs and sometimes there is a prince.)
That is not to say that I don't agree with some wonderful feedback, and that interestingly enough, I had Stumbled upon those two new proposed ideas recently...
But it is to say that when I look at others in my so-called "genre", everyone is glimmery (my word for shimmery + glittery), with starched collared polo shirts or J.Crew looking three-quarter-length sweaters.
With their (again) glimmery websites with a circle encompassing their bio-heads, and what feels like an awful lot of work to promote themselves...at a first pass, it feels this is directly antithetical to their message: trust in Christ.
I just get tired by being on their website for a few seconds before finding myself saying aloud: Gosh, I just don't know... (and then I find myself praying (still aloud), ...Am I supposed to do _this_?)
Then the thought comes to mind to not be someone, but to be me and who I have become and am becoming. Then I dial another spiritual 9-1-1 call and ask the God of my understanding for h-e-l-p: how am I supposed to be me in a world that squeezes me into a "professional" at the expense of fragmenting myself from the rest of my life whether it is in the "Christian" camp or the "secular" one? (For what it is worth, I am referring to a cultural contour so much a part of our milieu that most of us are running around effected by it, instead healing and living out from a Personal life truly in Christ.)