Fairy Dust

IndieGoGo-Campaign-Card-Image_for_blog__2 In early May, I was invited to St. Andrews to interview with my potential supervisor, and possibly another pending all went well.

During my week there, I felt as threw I was in an "open window". It felt visceral, not like a metaphor. And things seemed magical, as if someone through up fairy dust, and the old vines turned green and bloomed again.

IMG_3366 The interview went great, even though I was told my online application was somehow "lost" on someone's desk...which put into perspective the delay in hearing back. (I was told it was going to be in February.)

I was invited back for a second interview a few days later-- to interview with another supervisor who would also be on the team.

By the end of that meeting, she was already sending me bibliographies. "Don't write it down--I'll send it to you." And she did.

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I was told it would take a few weeks to hear of my official acceptance "because the university moves very slowly"... To me, it seemed the university was so old, that the rules were yawning.

I tried not to be a cultural American "needing to know" so I gave them all space, but I did check my mailbox a little religiously...

After six weeks, I followed up, and I guess the unconditional acceptance letter had never been sent--due to an online box not checked.

On a personal level, I could feel my growth: I wasn't finding my identity in my acceptance or rejection by the university... ...or interpreting the 'delays' as being forgotten about...which perhaps would have triggered a feeling from a childhood: the feeling of being forgotten about, not engaged with, and everything that falls in between there.

Anyhow, during the time of waiting, I was afraid to begin "campaigning" for funds, though I was told off the cuff that I was in.

I didn't realise people secured funds before applying to programs... And because I didn't want to look like I was a fraud, I waited till I had the official acceptance in my hand to actually begin applying for scholarships (which it was too late for), ask individuals for support, or...create an Indiegogo campaign.

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So, with one last hour left, I still have quite a few more thousands of dollars to go to raise support for my first year.

And if for whatever reason that doesn't happen, will the mysterious "fairy dust" keep this vignette blooming and move forward this my PhD research when, at every previous step, it seems this road should have dried up?